Fall
Now, based on the title of this blog, i'm sure you are thinking, "way to go captain obvious, we all know it is fall outside, it is fricken 40 degrees outside" but to your dissmay, "Fall" is but a metaphor of what I have been feeling lately.
I've fallen and I can't get up.
(now that could have been a catchy title...)
Seriously though...
Since the early part of the summer, I feel like i've just fallen down into a deep hole where I am unable to make any headway of climbing out. I sit here and thing to myself where did it all begin?....when did i fall?...or did I sink?...have I been standing over a sink-hole?...I have come to the conclusion that the root of this has directly effected the way I think, eat, sleep, work, live, and express myself. I sit here thinking of how much I have changed since living here in lincoln over the summer, actually, I've been here since last fall since I never moved back after last school year. Could it be that I've had too much of Lincoln?...I feel the need to go and leave it all, leave it all behind, only to come visit and then ween myself from the never-ending hole in the ground that I've called home for the past 4 years...
Perhaps its not Lincoln itself, but something inside of it that has caused me to be like this. I look at what I've been doing since the beginning of the summer and I think we all know where I'm about to head w/ this...where was I for the first half of the summer?...on the road...only taking away 5 or 10 years of my life that I won't ever get back due to the stress and torture I put my body through...now don't get me wrong, what I did was well worth it, but the stretch that I am in right now w/ what I am doing, is simply filling the sink-hole with water...well what do ya know, I can't swim! What will be my lifesaver?...what will dry up the water and fill the hole with something solid so I may climb out?...i've fallen and I can't get up...
i'm still stuck on wanting to look at myself for a day and see if i act the way others see me acting...I need someone else's shoes to walk in for just one day, then i'll get to see it all...see how I act and how I have acted by looking to see where my feet have walked in the past...
Fall. Thats what i've done. i've taken a fall...lets pray I'll hit something soft soon, cause lets be honest, when something that is fragile hits rock bottome, it will shatter into a million pieces...who knows, maybe hitting bottom will only make be tougher for the next Fall....
I've fallen and I can't get up.
(now that could have been a catchy title...)
Seriously though...
Since the early part of the summer, I feel like i've just fallen down into a deep hole where I am unable to make any headway of climbing out. I sit here and thing to myself where did it all begin?....when did i fall?...or did I sink?...have I been standing over a sink-hole?...I have come to the conclusion that the root of this has directly effected the way I think, eat, sleep, work, live, and express myself. I sit here thinking of how much I have changed since living here in lincoln over the summer, actually, I've been here since last fall since I never moved back after last school year. Could it be that I've had too much of Lincoln?...I feel the need to go and leave it all, leave it all behind, only to come visit and then ween myself from the never-ending hole in the ground that I've called home for the past 4 years...
Perhaps its not Lincoln itself, but something inside of it that has caused me to be like this. I look at what I've been doing since the beginning of the summer and I think we all know where I'm about to head w/ this...where was I for the first half of the summer?...on the road...only taking away 5 or 10 years of my life that I won't ever get back due to the stress and torture I put my body through...now don't get me wrong, what I did was well worth it, but the stretch that I am in right now w/ what I am doing, is simply filling the sink-hole with water...well what do ya know, I can't swim! What will be my lifesaver?...what will dry up the water and fill the hole with something solid so I may climb out?...i've fallen and I can't get up...
i'm still stuck on wanting to look at myself for a day and see if i act the way others see me acting...I need someone else's shoes to walk in for just one day, then i'll get to see it all...see how I act and how I have acted by looking to see where my feet have walked in the past...
Fall. Thats what i've done. i've taken a fall...lets pray I'll hit something soft soon, cause lets be honest, when something that is fragile hits rock bottome, it will shatter into a million pieces...who knows, maybe hitting bottom will only make be tougher for the next Fall....
posted by Josh at 11:52 PM
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