an open ended book..."My Life"
so i've been sitting here for awhile now with this blank text box...the cursor is blinking...blinking...blinking...i have so many thoughts going through my head it is seriously giving me a head-ache...so many feelings, thoughts, and emotions in my mind that have been bursting to escape me and be released unto the world for others to hear...
...i sit here thinking that no matter how much of it bleeds through me out of my fingertips and onto the keys of this keyboard up to the monitor, that it never quite feels, sounds, or seems to be the same as how it is going through my mind...you see, i have these very vivid thoughts and they just never seem to quite come out how i picture them...
...lately, i've been searching and calling heavily around for a job...all of the way from Louisiana, Colorad, California, Nevada, up to Wisconsin...tonight it has hit me that i had been so worried about moving away, leaving this area...going to these places where i know no one and doing what?...a job?...no, i would go to do ministry....but you say, Josh you have talked about finding a job in the 'secular' world, how is that ministry...well lately i've been told that i wouldn't be used to my fullest potential w/o finding a job in the ministry...i would try to volunteer my time and become frustrated cause i couldn't still do what i wanted to do cause i'd not have the time. I don't know what to do, everyone has been saying, hey get a job here, i can get you a job there...do what you want to do...well that would be easy if i knew what i wanted to do...i've become confused and troubled w/ what it is that God has specifically called me to do...i understand my calling is ministry...but where should i go?...i have had trouble dealing w/ several people telling me how they haven't felt called to go somewhere, they've just gone...and that if i know i've been called to ministry...then just go...all of my Christian life, i have felf God calling me to go where i've gone...to college, to go to LCC, to major in Mass Communications, to intern at Harvester...and now nothing...
...am i where i'm supposed to stay?...but thats not something that is rationally possible right now...even 3 months from now it seems very unlikely that i'd stay where i'm at, doing what i'm doing...i'm not limiting God, i'm being reasonable....which in turn, i guess could be limiting God...even when i've been searching for places...nothing has seemed to be tugging at my heart...all i want to do is find a place and serve...but what i want, isn't exactly always what God has planned for me...how true this is...and i've learned this over and over again through the past 2 years...it's really hard to think that i don't know where i'll be 3 months, when 3 months ago, i didn't know i'd still be here today...funny how it all works out, especially when we don't anticipate it working out the way it does...
so i guess i'll turn this over to you, whoever you are reading this...suggestions, comments, ideas of where i should head next, i'm open and ready and willing to search into anything right now...it's a dangerous thing to say, but i'll do it...i'm willing to go anywhere, as long as i'm able to serve...i'm willing to go wherever God leads me, as long as i'm able to continue serving Him and bring Him glory...
...i sit here thinking that no matter how much of it bleeds through me out of my fingertips and onto the keys of this keyboard up to the monitor, that it never quite feels, sounds, or seems to be the same as how it is going through my mind...you see, i have these very vivid thoughts and they just never seem to quite come out how i picture them...
...lately, i've been searching and calling heavily around for a job...all of the way from Louisiana, Colorad, California, Nevada, up to Wisconsin...tonight it has hit me that i had been so worried about moving away, leaving this area...going to these places where i know no one and doing what?...a job?...no, i would go to do ministry....but you say, Josh you have talked about finding a job in the 'secular' world, how is that ministry...well lately i've been told that i wouldn't be used to my fullest potential w/o finding a job in the ministry...i would try to volunteer my time and become frustrated cause i couldn't still do what i wanted to do cause i'd not have the time. I don't know what to do, everyone has been saying, hey get a job here, i can get you a job there...do what you want to do...well that would be easy if i knew what i wanted to do...i've become confused and troubled w/ what it is that God has specifically called me to do...i understand my calling is ministry...but where should i go?...i have had trouble dealing w/ several people telling me how they haven't felt called to go somewhere, they've just gone...and that if i know i've been called to ministry...then just go...all of my Christian life, i have felf God calling me to go where i've gone...to college, to go to LCC, to major in Mass Communications, to intern at Harvester...and now nothing...
...am i where i'm supposed to stay?...but thats not something that is rationally possible right now...even 3 months from now it seems very unlikely that i'd stay where i'm at, doing what i'm doing...i'm not limiting God, i'm being reasonable....which in turn, i guess could be limiting God...even when i've been searching for places...nothing has seemed to be tugging at my heart...all i want to do is find a place and serve...but what i want, isn't exactly always what God has planned for me...how true this is...and i've learned this over and over again through the past 2 years...it's really hard to think that i don't know where i'll be 3 months, when 3 months ago, i didn't know i'd still be here today...funny how it all works out, especially when we don't anticipate it working out the way it does...
so i guess i'll turn this over to you, whoever you are reading this...suggestions, comments, ideas of where i should head next, i'm open and ready and willing to search into anything right now...it's a dangerous thing to say, but i'll do it...i'm willing to go anywhere, as long as i'm able to serve...i'm willing to go wherever God leads me, as long as i'm able to continue serving Him and bring Him glory...
posted by Josh at 12:23 AM
1 Comments:
Josh, just because you might not find a job in the "ministry" side of the work place, does not mean you are not doing or being in "ministry". Every one of us is called by God, upon our acception of Him, to the "ministry". It does not matter what job field we are in, it is all within his ministry. He has used LCC to help teach you areas that will accell this ministry area you have chosen. There are many who have felt called to the "ministry", but have been lead to work in the job market of the world and do their ministries there. Paul was a tentmaker, and worked at that many years, preaching and teaching as he worked, and look how he impacted the world.
Please do not feel all you education has been for loss should you find a job in the secular world. That is where the field is ripe unto harvest! You can use your ministry in the local church you serve, too, by volunteering to help in a media area that maybe that certain church couldn't afford to hire a person to do so...you are still serving Him!!
All the best to you, and you are in our prayers.
A fellow servant.
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