"what it is"

so i just sat down here thinking of how many things i want to talk about in this blog...then i think to myself, stop, don't do it...so i now sit here not knowing what to talk about...perhaps this past weekend will do?...

...lots happened from 7:00am Friday - now (12:30am Monday)

-The only way I can explain it is that I can't explain it.

The reason being is because God was involved in my weekend in such a way that I can't explain it. The things I have gone though and have done this weekend...words can't describe...

these words can't do justice, but can give you an idea of what all went on...

-went to Ozark Christian College for jr. high getaway
-formed the most amazing relationships with some awesome jr. highers
-heard Robin Sigars preach (amazing! God spoke through Him so amazing!)
-met a pretty cool worship leader who has a heart of pure gold for God, like said: pretty and cool...
-got to see Rocky
-led worship for sunday morning youth service (i know i can't sing, but wow, it was all God and it was a blast!!!)
-ate at T.G.I.Friday's with a few students after church (been craving that for so long)
-took the best nap ever while football was on tv
-led my first House Group
-got to see some friends as Paradox ended
-hung out with cool people and met new people and made new friends at St.L.C.C.

There are so many thoughts going on in my head right now it is making me tired...all i can say is that God's been amazing and I can testify of the trials I've faced lately and how the joy and peace that is in my heart has overcome me. God is good! Amen!?!?!

...it wasn't me...

well, Sunday morning came, and it is gone now...I preached on Discipleship to the youth. Personally, I think it went alright. I mean, everyone didn't rededicate or anything, but it just felt amazing to get up there and preach the Word. It isn't everyday that you get to do that you know. Not everyday that you get to stand in front of people and tell them about Jesus.

So following the service, I was talking to a friend of mine who heard me preach. He said "you know, that wasn't you down there" I thought to myself, yeah, it wasn't, it was all God. But I wanted to hear what he had to say, I said "what do you mean?" He said "you aren't a preaching major...that wasn't you down there, thats not what you do".

Now I'm not saying, preaching is what I do...I know I'm not a preacher. I don't think I am cut out to be a senior minister someday, preaching every Sunday...I'm not saying it couldn't happen someday, but I don't see that as my spiritual gifts...preaching...

I know that when I got up there to preach Sunday, it wasn't me...I was the one speaking, my mouth moved up and down and words came out...but I don't feel like it was me doing it. I'm simply saying that without ever taking a preaching class and never preaching before...it went well, and in my opinion too well for me to have done it...God did it...

...so just as God worked through me this past week preaching...let's pray He does the same for this upcoming Sunday, I get to lead worship for the youth service...pray God does something crazy awesome w/ my voice or only the hearing impared come...either way, we are gonna worship Him!

Lambert's

well...so i was off on Thursday...and there was a group of men and a lady traveling to Lambert's...i catch a ride and meet up w/ them at the South County Mall and am on a trip where anything could happen...i mean, i was riding with Andy Polley...

...so we are on 55 south...and out of nowhere...an older man dressed in black, with a ZZ Top style beard and looking like he hadn't showered in a day or two over a month was walking out of the woods with his thumb sticking out...nothing out of the ordinary....oh but there was no vehical within sight and no house or anything around him...

...we make it to Lambert's at exactly 8:15...we get seated and the rolls fly in...i downed 2 rolls before our waitress came to get our drink order...it was beautiful...I ordered myself a 16oz. Chicken Fried Country Round Steak with mashed potatoes and white gravy smothering the steak...a loaded bake potato, fried apples and a huge thing of sweet tea...it was amazing....words cannot descibe the taste of it...

...on our way back, everyone from lincoln decided they wanted to visit the arch...i figure i'll get my car and go too...so i get my car...go to the arch and search for 15 minutes for a parking spot...finally catch up w/ Rubel and park in the Cathedral parking lot in front of the arch...now there is a sign that says "parking for Cathedral only" ignoring it, we park...we are just all standing there when a cop car pulls up the the stop light parralell to the parking lot. we all look at each other and know he's coming to us...and he does...so there are 8 of us standing in a parking lot and the cop shines his spot on us....he gets out and says that the car we parked next to is the officer's car who is watching us on the security cameras that are right behind us...the other officer who is w/ him starts to look into our cars...we are then asked a series of questions and are asked to leave...nontheless, a trip to Lambert's was made complete...

"Jurassic Harvester"

So this past week, Dr. Sharp, with the Creation & Truth Foundation came and put on a seminar at Harvester. On Sunday I got to put together an Albertasorus, a Triceratops, and a Teradon. It was so much fun putting together these skeletons...

I learned so much from this seminar...
...like...
-dinosaurs were alive in the Garden w/ Adam and Eve, just never imagined it like that
-young earth creationist view
-the pangean theory and believing in it

and other amazing stuff that i can't think of right now cause i'm crazy tired...
i just got to help tear down the skeletons and put away all of their replicas and things they travel around with...it was a huge collection...all of it fit into a trailer that could have fit 2 full size cars end-to-end...
...i'll have pics up on facebook and myspace soon...

anyways...i also found out today that i get to preach on sunday! i'm excited...i'll have to post it up on here after i preach it...i'm also excited for futre job opportunites...also super excited about potentially leading 2 week-of-e trips...we'll see if God opens the doors for that though...which i'll keep everyone posted on when i know more details on everything...

so in the midst of being super busy at the church this week, God has still been putting me through the fire...hammering me and forming me into shape...it has not been an easy past 3 weeks, but i just realized today that i'm 1 week past the half-way point of my internship being over...going through pain doesn't make time go any faster...I'm offering it all up to God and letting Him put me back together...cause right now, i'm broken...

9.11-final call

everyone will remember where they were the morning of 9.11 5 years ago. with the recent specials on tv and all of the memorial services going on, i've been thinking...who would i have called if i was on one of those planes that were hijacked? now, i've never flown before, and honestly, i dunno when i would...i'm sure in the future i will need to, cause you can't just go to a tropical island by driving there...anyways...there have been numerous specials about those that made their final calls to family/loved ones/friends/co-workers...if i was on a plane that was hijacked and was going to call someone, who would I call? would i even be in the right frame of mind to organize and construct my thoughts to be capabale enough to make a phone call? There are many people I would want to contact, but in the whole scheme of things, we don't know when the time will come that our life in this world will end.

but that is not the topic at hand...

I'm talking about having a matter of minutes to pick up the phone and make that final call. at first, one would say, call your family, mom, dad, my sister...they need to know...yes, they would need to know. what about a significant other. in the event of being married or having a girlfriend, wouldn't you want to contact them. yes! my wife would be the first i would call, as well as if i happened to have kids, i'd want to tell them daddy loves them. what about my friends? there are those that i've shared priceless moments with throughout my life... what about someone who is a friend who isn't a Christian? what kind of witness would that be, knowing you may die in a matter of moments and in your final moments, you are witnessing to others...

but what if that moment was right now? what if the plane was taking it's final turn and i had just enough time to call one person and say "this is it, i love you and tell everyone that I love them and i'll be okay...(the phone goes dead...thats the last thing you could say to anyone ever again)

who could you call? who should you call? who would you call?

"dance puppet dance"

so recently i'm realizing that with everything going on, that i've been instructed on what to do and not been given many options (if any) or any opportunities to make a decision on my own. yesterday, after coming to complete peace w/ an issue, i had about a dozen strings attached to me and the strings were pulled all at once. i was forced into a situation that i had to follow through with which i didn't exactly agree on. i understand submitting to authority, but where is it that i'm able to make a desicion on my own. I mean, i did get myself into this situation, why can't i handle it? i was told today that i couldn't make a decision on my own. how old am i? i'm 24. i would understand this if i was 16, but i'm 24! maybe it's cause i look 16....but i'm 24! i guess you could say i'm having a Jack Bauer year...not exactly...

i have felt like i've had all of these strings attached to me and many people are pulling them all at once and not communicating to each other on what the next move is. I should only have one person pulling the strings on this one. I mean, when is it that I'll be able to say, hey, i'm "a real boy" and let the strings fall off? I can handle this one. Right now i'm just praying that God is giving wisdom to the ones pulling the strings.

I've learned so much in the past 2 weeks. about myself. about who i am. I've grown. i guess i haven't grown enough for the strings to be cut. Another analogy for this all is that i've been told i was in an accident, i'm in ICU right now and can't do anything for myself until i'm healed, then over time, the machine will be disconnected and i will be alright, but until then, i can't do it on my own. This healing process is going to take time. I feel that things are getting better. Some days aren't as easy as others, but God has been here right by my side all of the way...it just took an "accident" for me to realize what i needed to get set straight...

so as for now, there is nothing i can do about said situation, so many things that have taken place have been out of my control. the strings are being pulled and all i've been hearing from the puppet masters is "dance puppet dance"

...when it rains, it pours...

due to the utter creativity i have in my mind right now, i will write this blog backwards...like the movie Memento...


...i could not stop thinking about his comments he made and how he had these plans for living his life for Him. the simplicity of his lifestyle and lack of desiring materialistic items convicted me to realizing how materialistic i had been. i thought to myself how i did not plan this visit, but out of nowhere, i remembered he would be around here. i have seen this man's heart and passion. I had seen it 2 years ago when i was in my dorm room talking w/ friends and he and another guy came in and asked if there was anything they could pray about for us. i remember balling my eyes out and resting my head on his shoulder when it came to me and i had been going through so much w/ my mom and learning of how bad my step-dad was continually treating my mother, i poured myself out right there. 2 years later...his heart and passion for God has only grown. i have been blessed by today. great food, great friends, great rain, and a great God!

When i found out about it through the phone call...it didn't bother me. I found it funny actually. Things in life could be worse and there is nothing i could do and getting upset about having soaked seats would have changed nothing. i thought i had remembered leaving my windows down today and my sun-roof open when it started to rain. I later did find out it was true. I had soaked seats. I sat in my car and realized that there was a bit of water standing in puddles on my floor mats. I dried off quickly though after coming across 270 and keeping the windows down....

...He asked me what I had been up to. I said i was on my internship and would be graduating in December and did not know for sure what I was going to do after that. He suggested that i go to Africa and help an organization that needs people here in the US to know what is going on over there and how they need help. He also made the comment to me that there are so many of us that don't know what we are going to be doing in 6 months but how amazing it would be to have a purpose in 6 months and know where I would be going. I stood there thinking in my mind how he had simply helped me better discover who i am. I thought to myself: I am a messenger. I am able to display messages through videos and multimedia and give a message to others. I've been given a gift, a blessing to share through creativity, a message. It is time to take grasp of it and seek where to use it. I'm open to wherever God leads me. That is when the phone rang...

...while randomly finding myself in the cornfields of Greenville, which very much felt like Lincoln, I remembered there was a man we know as Andy Mills would be on campus here...with some help and realizing that people on this campus would know who he is, i asked a couple of guys who looked like they would know him. So I asked and they were like, yeah, he is over in that field playing frisby and that is where he was...

...i witnessed the two little boys playing in the rain puddles. they are only 2 1/2 years old. they giggled so joyfully. they were playing in the rain i way that was like it was the first time they had ever experienced rain. I found myself thinking during this: i am starting to find myself acting the same way with the Word. I read and i know i've read it before, but that is how I'm feeling right now. How is it though that one does not grow up from this feeling, this "child-like" faith? I though to myself how to live life over again and going through it all with the first time experiences...touch, smell, taste, seeing, hearing...i found myself thinking of what could i have changed, and if things would have been differently right now if i had done something different before, but then i realize, no, i could not trade anything for what has happened, because if it wasn't for what happened in the past, i would not be where I am today. Now i do feel terrible about the things i've done, but that does not change anything, i've asked for forgiveness and pray forgiveness has been granted...

...you could smell it coming...it looked like it could have done it all day long...rain. that sweet smell of rain when you know it is going to be a great rain storm coming in. you could hear some low rumbling thunder in the distance. it was a glorious time...after it rained, you could see the steam on the pavement...simply beautiful...

...do you ever have those days when you can just feel like it is going to be a good day? for some reason, despite the random 3 a.m. drunk call i received from an unknown person and the lack of being able to sleep due to the consistant sharp pains in my chest area (if ya get a chance pray for the chest pains, they've just recently been coming back stronger than i've ever experienced and i dunno what to think right now about them...i'm praying it is just stress and they go away...but they've never stuck around this long either in the past...), it just felt like it was going to be a great day. It was like I could hear God saying, "yeah, dude, kick back and relax, today is mine." Then i turned on the TV to learn of the crocadile hunter being murdered by a sting ray. i thought to myself, 'So he's tending the animals in a much bigger kingdom', and then i started out on my day...